Happy Birthday, Hayley!

Just about every day, I am overwhelmed by how much I love my friend, Hayley.

It’s her birthday and I’m not rich.  She wouldn’t want that kind of gift anyway.

I’ve been thinking a lot about death.  

Many times I find myself attending a funeral to support the living who are mourning someone who’s passed and think to myself after someone has spoken to honor the deceased, “Man, I wish I had known her better.  She seems wonderful.”

Why not honor Hayley while she still lives?  And what better day is there than on the anniversary of her birth?  

There’s something about being in your late twenties that is stressful.  Whether you have a baby on your hip, are still chipping away at a degree, or whatever your successes are, people stop giving you second chances.  As adults, we are expected to suck it up and get things done.  It gets harder and harder to find time to figure out what’s grieving you or creating anxiety and it’s even harder to find someone who truly understands those feelings, makes time to listen, and genuinely cares. It’s terrifying.

I am lucky.  I have Hayley.  She’s mine and I earned her.  She’s the kindest gal I know and takes the most time to settle on anything.  She isn’t indecisive at all, she’s just incredibly careful.  She cares about people with depth I don’t even understand.  I can sense it and that’s enough for me. 

Something I love about her is how private she keeps her life, thoughts, and feelings.  She seems so serious, but she’s just intense.  It’s different.  While I would love to tell everyone I know about each remarkable experience I’ve had with Hayley, I just can’t.  Our secret world is sacred, but I’ll share a few that are out in the atmosphere.

Let’s start with the time, back when we worked together at Bravo, that I sent a text to her about how bad I wanted jelly beans.  The fact that she brought them to me doesn’t seem that remarkable, but at that time it was.  I was at a lonely, low point in my life.  In my experience, there are very few people who would actually go out of their way to make a tiny little dream come true.  She brought two bags, not one.  She knew I needed proof that someone out there gave a shit about me.  Feeling that way seems absurd on our normal days, doesn’t it?  It’s ridiculous in retrospect to think that people don’t care, but the fact is that we sometimes believe those dark thoughts.  She gets it.

Before I continue, I feel like putting down some random facts about her:

She looks and seems to be exactly like the singer Lorde.  They share the same birthday.

Once upon a time, she was a Myspace celebrity.

She has really good dance moves.  Every time we dance, I always think I look cool, then look over to see her being way more gangsta, way more cool.  

She has the best ideas for couples Halloween costumes.  Keenan and 50 Cent was my favorite.

She hates most reality TV.

She’s afraid of most dogs.

She loves spicy food and eats it all the time even though she’s not supposed to.  

She gets new shoes for her birthday.

She does NOT... give up... hardly ever.  Maybe never, ever.

She loves Zak so much. 

She misses Mavis. 

She is a dreamy student who thinks for herself, researches, and has original work. 

My favorite food is something she cooks.  It’s this insane mushroom chicken thing.  I don’t know what it is, but it’s amazing every time.  She’s such a great cook. 

Hayley lives in an adobe house with her husband Brad (aka Steak Daddy) where reception is spotty at best, so we can’t call each other.  We depend heavily on text.  I know how ridiculous this sounds, but my hand is sometimes sore from texting her.  We text every day, all day long.  I have never had a friend who has given so much of herself.  She has never left me hanging or responded with something short or cold.  Whether I’m telling her about something dumb or typing through teary eyes, she responds genuinely.  It’s been this way for years.  She’s never faltered.

I know what our communication would have been like if we knew each other as kids.  She and I would exchange tightly folded notes on paper and speak to each other with walkie talkies after bedtime.  In middle school we would skip class and talk in the bathroom.  In high school, we would sneak off campus and have coffee together somewhere quiet.  

Communication is such a blessing.  It’s unreal.

Hayley pays attention to details.  She doesn’t mean to exactly.  For her, it’s innate.  Nothing goes unnoticed.  She’s impossible to scare and difficult to surprise.  It requires a lot of planning, anyway. 

She is a perfectionist.  She obsesses over details and quality.  It shows in her photography, her appearance, her devotion to the people she loves, and her delivery of ideas, gifts, and advice.

For as complex as she is, Hayley is one of the most simple people I know.  She is very easy to please if you’re just real with her.  She is the only person I’ve met that respects honesty as much as me.  She loves the things in life that are free. 

I can’t even think of anything more fun than hanging out with this girl.  She is such a weirdo and so intelligent.  Her comedic timing is impeccable.  Most people wouldn’t know this because she doesn’t put herself out there right away.  People often perceive her as shy or cold because she is reserved.  She’s just careful and at times, nervous.  She cares about what people think because she has integrity.  If people only knew how much good she sees in them, they would never question her silence.

She’s so funny.  I can’t explain this.  Just take my word for it.  She’s the funniest girl I know.

She does obsess, but because she cares.

She is amazing at predicting trends.  I wish that was a job she could apply for.  She would own the company in no time.  At least once a month, she tells me about something she thinks is cool and a month later it’s everywhere. 

She never forgets anything.  She always asks and always makes jokes when things are too heavy.  However, she’s never impatient with my blues.  If I won’t cheer up, she’s willing to just be sad with me.  

I wish people knew the sounds I’ve heard her make.  She makes some crazy sounds.  She is such a fox--in both its literal and symbolic sense.  A fox is mysterious, cunning, clever, and elusive. 

She finds things on the internet that I could never even dream of.

She once made a website of me, for me.  Here it is:  (I don’t expect anyone to understand or like it, but it made me laugh out loud.) 

http://cindyasks.ytmnd.com/



She makes the most carefully created music mixes I’ve ever heard.  I beg her for mixes all the time.  She somehow finds music that speaks to me, or tells her stories, or makes me happy or comfortable with being sad.  She weaves it together so that the songs are seamless.  Mostly they are songs I’ve never heard, even if they are old.
She’s just so damn cool.

She is so in love with her family and is always missing them.  I imagine they miss her too.

Her home is full of comfort and intrigue.  Just today she put a plant inside a ceramic cat instead of a traditional pot and it’s amazing.  They have empty frames on the wall.  Their record player works and gets used.  Her kitchen is jam-packed with goodies.    While she has nice appliances, nothing about it is pretentious.  One can feel comfortable making a sandwich or warming up leftovers without asking.

Even Koda (my grumpy dog) loves her.  She’s a lot like him, though.  She’s not grumpy, but she’s carefree when she’s unrestrained and takes a while to trust people.  She’s a protector. 

If I had to choose any roommate, she would be it.

She taught me about a “five-head”.  It’s a person with a huge forehead.  Get it?  

She sees beauty in the darkest of things.

She’s into science...

and death...

and astrology (she’s better than me at guessing signs)...

and science fiction...

and the cultures associated with different decades...

and politics.

She can keep up with any conversation.  If I come at her with, “Dude, do you remember Caboodles?” or “I just don’t understand why people still refuse to acknowledge racism for what it is,” she has a response.  She’s interested.  She’s onboard.  

She’s always down for anything.  If I wanted to have a John Travolta movie night, she would say yes.  If I wanted to try to make a Pakistani dinner, she would eat it.  She’s just always down.  She’s so laid back and accepting.  Her sense of adventure is on point.  

Hayley knows a LOT about music trivia and random facts. 

She has those sleepy Elvis eyes, sensual lips, and hair for miles.

In my darkest moments, Hayley has understood.


In my happiest moments, Hayley has been in favor.

In my most uncertain of moments, Hayley has hoped for the best and been honest.  She doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, but she encourages me and makes me feel better.

She never compromises her own ethics, though.  If I like something and she doesn’t, she won’t humor me.  I respect that.

This girl... has never judged me.  Even when I’ve admitted to the dumbest, most selfish and ego-driven things, she says it’s okay.  If she has judged me, she's hidden it well.  That's enough for me.

I know a million people have thought of her today and a bunch have wished her well or given gifts, so I’m just like everyone else.  The difference is that I would die for her.  I want her to know that, and she’s reading this now.

If you don’t know Hayley like I do, give it a try.  She’s the sweetest, funniest, most interesting person you’ll ever know. 

With only the smallest tip of an iceberg’s worth of information behind this, I hope you know how much I love you, how much I need you, and how grateful and blessed I feel to have you in my world, Peanut.  I hope you felt special on your birthday, because that’s the least of what you are.

Love, Cindy